Chris.Derecola

I am a food addict.

I knew this before, but it wasn’t until the last few months that it started to sink in just how much I struggle with it every single day. Like all addicts, my addiction is something that rules my thoughts and many of my behaviors. I constantly focus on what I’m eating, whether it be concentrating on eating healthy or feeling guilty for loving a good (and probably unhealthy) meal. Some obsess over shopping, exercise, drugs, gambling or Facebook… and I am no different with food.

Most people like food so big deal, right? For me, it kinda is. My relationship with food is more than mere sustenance in that it has been one of emotional comfort and survival for the last 25 years. When I was a kid, I was completely and utterly miserable. My parents were divorced and as a latchkey kid with few friends, I spent many afternoons raiding a well stocked fridge to make myself feel better. That feeling of being full, being content, became hardwired in my brain to equate with happiness. The fuller I was, the less it hurt that girls did not like me. The fuller I was, the less I thought about the reasons why my dad didn’t want to live with us any more. The fuller I was, the happier I was.

I am old enough now to realize the fallacy in this logic. I am confident enough now that I do not have to depend on food to make me feel good. Unfortunately, old habits die hard and no matter how badly I want to move on, I’m not sure I will ever be able to entirely. Addicts never lose their addictions, they just beat them. The fact that I have to eat to survive, and can’t just swear off it, makes mine that much harder (I think). Is this an excuse to be overweight? Absolutely not… but hopefully it provides some context.

I have made many changes in my life to address this issue.

• We do not keep junk food or sugary drinks in the house.
• I do not drink alcoholic beverages during the week.
• I exercise regularly.
• I cook relatively healthy; lean meats, vegetables, no prepared food.
• Weekday breakfast and lunch are 850 calories combined.
• If I snack, it’s on dried fruit or unroasted nuts.
• I rarely eat sweets, including dessert.

The truth is, there are still quite a few things I do because I “don’t want it bad enough.”

• I eat out 2-3 times a week (whether it be lunch or dinner).
• I eat a relatively large dinner, especially compared to Melissa.
• I refuse to give up pasta and generally speaking, eat way too many carbs.
• When I drink alcohol, I drink alcohol.
• I sometimes eat what I want versus what I should (e.g. total pigfest this past weekend).

So yes, I’ve come a long way… but I also have a long way to go. If I could change one thing about me, it would in all likelihood be my relationship with food. I can’t, so I have no other option than to try and make incremental choices that lead me to a more healthy weight. There are far worse problems to have, but this one is mine.

Today marks the last day in my month-long pledge to abstain from alcohol. The month (5 weeks, actually) went by relatively quick, but it wasn’t completely devoid of trials. Passing up on partying and not being able to “tie one on” with friends wasn’t the problem, it was the random onsies and twosies scattered throughout life that were most tempting.

Thinking back on the last month, two examples of this stick out in my mind. One was having dinner with friends at a place that had a nice beer list and the other was coming home after a really crappy day/week at work looking to blow off a bit of steam. I don’t consider alcohol a crutch in either of these situations and it certainly wasn’t a necessity, but there’s definitely something mentally relaxing in “having a drink.” That said, I’m also willing to admit I believe some things are better with booze.

Perhaps the more interesting revelation is in just how much alcohol is part of our society. Not everyone drinks all the time but I definitely noticed that even when people aren’t drinking, there is still a decent amount of conversation about it. I know my social circle tends to be more privy to such things, but even the normal folk (read: squares) spent more time talking about beer, wine and drinking in general than I would have expected. I admit I was probably more sensitive to these conversations because I was purposefully not drinking; it still happened quite a bit.

Part of this experiment was to see how not drinking impacted my weight. The bad news is I’m still having a pretty big back problem. With physical therapy and general hurtage, I’ve only managed the gym about twice a week and half that time is spent stretching and working on core strength to address my back issue. The good news is it looks like despite this lower level of physical activity, I’m down about 5 pounds (1 lb/week).

It would be interesting to see what a full month of no alcohol and 5 day/week hardcore exercise would get me, but I’m not sure that’s going to happen any time soon. The more concerning thing to me is getting back to a point where I can ride bicycles and motorcycles… which seems pretty far away at this point. This actually makes me fairly sad because this Spring was the season I wanted to be obsessed with riding and lose another 20 pounds. Then there’s Emma… lonely, lonely Emma. Oh well, at least I can drown my sorrows tomorrow!

Cheers!

I’ve decided to give up alcohol for the month of March. Why? A few reasons…

• Lose weight – It’s no secret I’m stuck on a weight loss plateau. I’ve increased my exercise to 4-5 times/week and I do a decent job at watching what I eat, but I can’t break loose. I’m hoping I’ll see a difference when I ramp up my riding in the spring, but adopting a “wait and see” attitude isn’t good enough. If my exercise isn’t going to increase beyond where it’s at now, I have to decrease my caloric intake. What are my primary contributors? Well, I like to go out to eat a couple times a month, I’m addicted to carbs (read: pasta) and I love drinking. All these factors contribute significant levels of calories but I’m not in a place where I’m comfortable changing all three. Curious about just how much my drinking habits impact my health, I’m gonna start there. Any bets on if I’ll lose weight and if so, how much?
• Triglycerides – I had a physical last week and this was the only item of concern. I eat a lot of fiber, I try to keep fat minimized, I don’t eat red meat (generally) or a lot of dairy and yet it’s still high. There are some genetics that go into it, but I can’t use that as an excuse. Since the sugars in alcohol can be converted to triglycerides, reducing intake can only be good for me.
• Tolerance – Mine is problematic in that it’s fairly high. Ever since grad school, my tolerance has been at a level where it’s either difficult to achieve a buzz or I’m able to drink far more than your average person and still be functional. Were I in college, I’d be proud of this… but now it just means I spend more money and consume more calories. Taking a break from drinking should help bring it down to more normal levels.
• Commitment – I want to see how hard it is. Yes, I’m well aware that pregnant women and people with liver disease have it much tougher than I do. I have little doubt I can go a measly month without drinking – that’s not the point. The point is I want to see how hard it is for me to go a month because it’s an indication of how much of a part of my life it is. I’m fully open to the idea that it’s too large a part, so I’d like to understand it better. Besides, I only ever drink on weekends so we’re talking a mere 8 days here… right? For what it’s worth, I thought about doing this two months ago and didn’t because of parties I was attending/having in January and February. No more excuses.

I’m not a fan of absolutions and I tend to think most vices are fine in moderation, so this will be interesting. See you on the other side.