I Grew Up At 31
It has been a long time since I've posted anything of consequence on here and I'm beginning to feel like what I've been doing isn't serving as the proper outlet. Those who care about me already know this stuff and random readers probably don't care, so this is more about writing something down that I can reference in 2 and/or 20 years. I guess I say this to serve as fair warning that you may want to stop reading now.
I was always someone who thought he could control everything in the world. I am a pretty smart guy and as such, felt as though anything I wanted would come to me with relative ease. Everything I tried always seemed to work out my way and if it didn't, it was because I didn't really care about it anyway. I knew who I was, I knew what I wanted and I knew what I expected of myself and the people around me. I took what I desired, often at the expense of others, and if they complained it was because they weren't able to understand the Master Plan that had been laid out. My way was the best because I had everything figured out and people were either with me, or they won't. I lived a life of relative ease because I could have pretty much anything I wanted within reason and that it was a testament to me living life the way it should be. Every day was a means to my end and I made myself believe my happiness was really the only thing I should care about. People were out to hurt you, leave you or die on you so the only way you could make it through life was to depend on yourself.
Then I grew up.
I'm not naive enough to think 31 is some magical age of awakening nor do I think that one can grow up over the course of days, weeks or even decades. I do, however, believe that the last six months have been the most trying of my life and that I've changed because of them. I'm busier and more stressed than I ever thought possible, my family has changed more than I ever dared imagine, I've had to come to terms with my level of disconnect with those around me and I've been repeatedly forced to recognize that I am cannot take, nor am I given, everything I want in life. I have started to understand that what's best for me is not always what's best for others, you have to sometimes depend on others if you're ever going to make it through this crazy thing we call humanity and that you absolutely, positively cannot be the best at everything. There will always be someone who is smarter, makes more money, is better looking or even happier than you and as a result, the things that make life worth living are the experiences you share with others. We should measure our lives not by how successful we are, but by how happy we are with the relationships around us and the happiness of those that share them with us. Perhaps the greatest lesson I've learned is that you have to listen to what others have to say. I'm not talking about just waiting for your turn to speak but honestly and actively listening to who they are and what they mean. Their view of the world is the result of a lifetime of experience that is no less valuable than yours or mine. Ultimately, we all want someone to care about us and that will not happen if you do not take the time to pay attention to them and show you're not afraid to care.
I cannot fathom what I'm going to learn by 62.
I was always someone who thought he could control everything in the world. I am a pretty smart guy and as such, felt as though anything I wanted would come to me with relative ease. Everything I tried always seemed to work out my way and if it didn't, it was because I didn't really care about it anyway. I knew who I was, I knew what I wanted and I knew what I expected of myself and the people around me. I took what I desired, often at the expense of others, and if they complained it was because they weren't able to understand the Master Plan that had been laid out. My way was the best because I had everything figured out and people were either with me, or they won't. I lived a life of relative ease because I could have pretty much anything I wanted within reason and that it was a testament to me living life the way it should be. Every day was a means to my end and I made myself believe my happiness was really the only thing I should care about. People were out to hurt you, leave you or die on you so the only way you could make it through life was to depend on yourself.
Then I grew up.
I'm not naive enough to think 31 is some magical age of awakening nor do I think that one can grow up over the course of days, weeks or even decades. I do, however, believe that the last six months have been the most trying of my life and that I've changed because of them. I'm busier and more stressed than I ever thought possible, my family has changed more than I ever dared imagine, I've had to come to terms with my level of disconnect with those around me and I've been repeatedly forced to recognize that I am cannot take, nor am I given, everything I want in life. I have started to understand that what's best for me is not always what's best for others, you have to sometimes depend on others if you're ever going to make it through this crazy thing we call humanity and that you absolutely, positively cannot be the best at everything. There will always be someone who is smarter, makes more money, is better looking or even happier than you and as a result, the things that make life worth living are the experiences you share with others. We should measure our lives not by how successful we are, but by how happy we are with the relationships around us and the happiness of those that share them with us. Perhaps the greatest lesson I've learned is that you have to listen to what others have to say. I'm not talking about just waiting for your turn to speak but honestly and actively listening to who they are and what they mean. Their view of the world is the result of a lifetime of experience that is no less valuable than yours or mine. Ultimately, we all want someone to care about us and that will not happen if you do not take the time to pay attention to them and show you're not afraid to care.
I cannot fathom what I'm going to learn by 62.
Labels: deep thoughts, family, friends
